The Narcissist Witchhunt (Can People Change?)

My mind is judgemental. My first thoughts are often black&white and simplistic. Even within my thoughts, and sometimes vocalised or written, I will call someone a narcissist. It's mostly intellectual laziness, I think. I can't recall specifics to argue my case, so I just stamp them: narcissist.

I also learned from the playground that it feels exciting to gang up on someone and badmouth them. Though that might be very hurtful for the subject of your gossip, and it could come back to you. Gossipers are probably gossiping about you. Do you choose to be a healer, or make people unhappy. Do you want to create a community of love, or dysfunction? 

In a psychotic episode I subscribed to the subreddit "raised by narcissists." I would still see posts from them after I was back to reality. I thought that the community was rather toxic. Often it seemed like they were projecting. The comments to a post were almost always the same: go NC. Which means "No Contact." Often No Contact with their blood family.

One post on that subreddit was a woman who said her father was a narcissist and that he had faked his own death. In the comment section she said she believed her father had faked his own death eight times. The comments were all the standard: go no contact with your family. Don't go to the funeral. Move to another state. Your whole family are narcissists. Your family is pure evil.

I wouldn't be surprised if reddit is all bots. But I wouldn't be surprised if these are real people either.

I commented: "You need to talk to a psychiatrist about psychosis." And by the reactions to my post, you would think I put a kitten in a blender. People threatened me. I unsubscribed from the subreddit as getting attacked feels like shit.

Some people, some of them psychiatrists, have made a career out of hating on narcissists. They make them sound like psychopaths, say they can't change and you have to kick them out of your life. They pathologise people who may just be disagreeable, strong willed, unhappy, insecure. If I watch those channels, I start narcissist hunting in my memory banks as well. I get on the hate train. Get tunnel vision.

I believe in forgiveness. For the good of the community, the perpetrator, and the victim. It's something I learned from Valerie her texts. Read about Valerie here. She wrote about how she was in conflict with her parents. I was in conflict with my parents. I saw that she needed to be the bigger person, even if she was the victim, and forgive her parents their moments of aggression. Open up the lines of communication. Tell them: I see that you are suffering, and you are making me suffer. If you convince yourself that people hate you, you will start hating yourself. You need to have compassion for the people that hurt you. Don't care about being right or winning. But heal. Let it go.

I hope to be forgiven for my mistakes. 

I think my father, when I was young, could be described as a vulnerable narcissist. That's all I'm going to say, because for the last 15 to 20 years of his life he was totally different. Partly because I didn't know that you can't change people, and I slowly changed my father because of Valerie. For the last 20 years, he died when he was 70, my father would sacrifice relentlessly for us.

Don't call people narcissists. Kill their demons with kindness. 

peace ✌️ 💜