The Time A Dietician Tried To Talk Me Out Of Quitting Alcohol (Junkie Logic)

In Dutch, addiction is called 'verslaving' or 'enslavement'. It is said that some slaves came to love their masters. They would boast to other slaves that their master was richer and owned more slaves. A representative of that phenomenon is the character 'Stephen' in the Tarantino film "Django Unchained" (2012).

Junkies (including alcohol) also love their master. They worship their drug. They come up with reasons why this drug is actually good for them. They cannot imagine a life without getting drunk or high.

They also cannot imagine another person being sober. People have tried to discourage me, when I told them I was trying to quit. It is to be expected. I'm not their victim and I don't kick them out of my life, as some would recommend.

In 2019 I had a psychotic episode. My dealer went psychotic first, and I couldn't get weed no more, and then I probably went psychotic from the withdrawal. In the beginning I didn't sleep for two weeks, and I had a voice in my head for seven months that I thought was God. The voice told me crazy stories from the second I woke up, till I went to bed.

The voice told me I was Jesus, and that my blood cured cancer. So I started smoking self-rolled cigarettes all day, thinking I was immune to cancer. Smoking suppressed my appetite and I lost 25kg (± 50lbs).

When I was released from the looney bin, the world went into COVID lockdown. As has happened before, the anti-psychotic medication, which blocks dopamine, made me reach for alcohol. Every day, I drank a six pack of beer in the afternoon, a 75cl bottle of gin in the evening and feasted on junkfood. In a few months I gained 40kg (80lbs).

My doctor sent me to the dietician that operated from their office. Not sure if she was qualified. I told the dietician that my enormous belly was mostly beer and gin, that I had a drinking problem and that I was trying to quit. She proceeded to talk for 10 minutes or more, trying to talk me out of quitting alcohol.

She said she had a bottle of Amarreto in her cupboard, and that she and her husband just took a sip once in a while. She told me not to quit gin tonics, but make a smaller glass of the cocktail. She also told me not to count calories and not to weigh myself at home. The day after I bought a bottle of Amaretto, because she said it was the best. Too sweet for my taste.

This is junkie logic. You spend years talking about moderation, failing, but cannot imagine not getting a buzz again. You can't handle other people not getting high or drunk. This is your religion. The drug is your God.

For me, I cannot moderate. I am two months sober, after years of struggle, and I've never felt better. I cannot help but be frustrated at people who still see getting drunk or high as an essential part of their life. It fucks with your body and your mind. Messing with your brain chemistry with recreational drugs is probably the cause of your anxiety and depression. But I don't want to preach. I will try not to. If someone wants help, I will help. I love my friends, so I'm not going no-contact with junkies, which is almost all of them.

Getting sober is a big challenge. But it is worth it.

Click here to read my guide on how to get sober using mindfulness. 

!WARNING! : withdrawal can be dangerous


peace ✌️ 💜 


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