Habit Hoarding (Sometimes You Need To Sacrifice)

When I was into a serious drug addiction, I would stack my addictions. I would hold drug sessions, take acid, combine it with a space cake, XTC, joints, cigarettes, alcohol, eat junkfood and watch hyperstimulating media like horror movies. The tendency is to push it as far as you can take it.

Some people have multiple screens on their desk, playing YouTube, playing music or podcasts, while having a screen for studying or work, while gaming and vaping and drinking energy drinks. Add weed and alcohol after 18h00. Or make that 16h00.

People accumulate habits that they don't want to let go of. Addiction expert Anne Lembke says you can get addicted to anything. She had a client who was addicted to getting intoxicated by drinking too much water. Anne Lembke herself was addicted to romance novels.

You can have a procedural addiction. Addicted to a behavior like pulling out your hair. I was addicted to getting into debates online, thinking I was particularly intelligent. 

The private capitalist empire has turned the world into a theme park. We accumulate all these habits, and convince ourselves that they are useful. "Arguing online makes me smarter and I learn about people and I'm saving the world". "Travel broadens your horizon." "Eating out is tastier and supports the economy". "I need Netflix so I can join the conversion." These all may be true.

Someone said: "We are amusing ourselves to death." This might be literally, because our habits are destroying our habitat.

The brain compensates for excessive stimulation. It keeps trying to go back to a baseline. That is why you develop tolerance and are having to escalate the stimulation. You can also reset your reward system with a dopamine fast: live like a monk for a while, or most of the time.

I love eating out. I love the ritual more than the food. I think the food I cook is just as tasty and about one fifth as expensive. I can cook for 5 days with €20. Still I find myself eating out. I love cities, and what is there to do in a  city at night but eating out. (watch a horror movie!) But honestly, I'm too poor and can't justify going to restaurants. It's just one of these habits I took on board.

Ten years into this mindfulness/meditation business, I think I am finally getting it. On my walks I am mostly lost in thought, but sometimes I become aware, I take my mind back to my body, my breath and my senses, and I see a field and cows in the distance, I focus on being in the present moment, and I am more alive than I am being wasted on 5 different drugs, eating junk and watching exploitation cinema.

I quit alcohol, cigarettes, weed, coffee, junkfood, reddit, doomscrolling,... and I feel happier and more fulfilled than ever. You think you need these things because of dopamine tolerance. You want to be constantly stimulated. It's your brain fucking with you. It's the private capitalist empire fucking your brain. I think I'm ready to join a monastery.


peace ✌️ 💜 

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